People remember the first things that they read, see, or hear.
Start bold!
The following example doesn’t get to the point:
Original write-up –The company owns gas stations with convenience stores.
Companies with high break-even gasoline margins have not been able to operate profitably in a prolonged 10-cent gasoline margin environment. ABC’s break-even gasoline margin is only 4.5 cents/gallon (cash flow break-even after maintenance capex and debt payments), which allows it to operate during a low gasoline margin environment. Gasoline margins have historically never dropped below ABC’s break-even level, which is reduced by a fuel terminal acquired during 2000 that has allowed ABC more flexibility on sourcing options and has reduced the cost of fuel delivered.
The company operates on the lower price range of gas retailers, with emphasis on upscale C-store operations to drive higher overall margins.
Editor’s Analysis:
- We get how ABC makes margins in the second paragraph.
- The first paragraph conflates three topics into one paragraph.
- The boldface sentences look awkward mid-paragraph.
Editor’s Suggestions–A Better Approach:
- One paragraph=one idea, three-four short sentences maximum, each sentence two lines in 11 pt. type (for business and technical writing only!)
- Optics matter—headings to break up topics
Revision based on suggestions:
ABC operates in the lower price range of gas retailers and emphasizes upscale C- store operations to drive higher overall margins.
Gas sales: ABC break-even gasoline margin is 4.5 cents/gal. (cash flow break-even after maintenance capex and debt payments), which allows operational flexibility in low gasoline margin periods. Gasoline margins have not dropped below ABC’s break-even levels. ABC acquired a fuel terminal in 2000 that has allowed ABC more sourcing options and reduced the cost of fuel delivered.
Competitors with higher break-even gas margins cannot operate profitably even in a prolonged 10-cent margin period.
C-stores: …
Bottom Line:
- Start with your conclusions.
- Cite verifiable facts to support.
- Keep it short
